All about your period.

I've told my husband several times that menstruation is proof that God does exist, and He hates women.  It hurts, it's kinda gross*, and it makes some of us feel absolutely insane for about a week every month.

Seriously, this isn't fun.

Maybe not every girl feels that way about her period, but I do. Mother Nature's a jerk.

Anyway, let's put my opinions aside, and examine the mechanics of this whole thing.

We've talked a bit about hormones and their effects on puberty, and hormones are also the key players in menstruation.  The menstrual cycle ranges from 21-35 days in adult women, with a wider time variation in adolescents - like 20-45 days.  There are 4 stages of the menstrual cycle, of which a woman's period is only part.

1. Follicular phase
During this phase, there's a rise in FSH (follicle stimulating hormone, which we talked about last post), which stimulates follicles in the ovaries - hence the name of this phase.  These follicles secrete increasing amounts of estradiol and estrogen, which cause a new layer of endometrium to develop; the lining of the uterus will grow and thicken, preparing for potential implantation of a fertilized egg.  The estrogen also stimulates your cervix to create a different kind of mucus.  If you're tracking your cycles as a method of birth control or trying to conceive, this change in mucus is a good indicator that ovulation is about to start.

2. Ovulation
During ovulation, one of those follicles that got all stimulated during the follicular phase will rupture and release its egg, around 12 days after the end of your last period.  There is a huge rise in LH (luteinizing hormone) lasting about 48 hours, which is what causes the follicle to burst.  It appears to be random whether the left or right ovary is involved in ovulation, and sometimes both will release an egg.**  After being released from the ovary, the egg gets swept down the fallopian tube by the little cilia inside it.  If the egg isn't fertilized in a day or two, it will disintegrate or dissolve in the fallopian tube.  If it is fertilized, the egg will immediately begin development and continue its journey, reaching the uterus in about 3 days and implanting in about 3 more.

For some of us, ovulation comes alongside a pain called mittelschmerz ("middle pain" in German), which is pain in the lower abdomen and pelvis.  There are many things that can cause this pain: swelling ovarian follicles, the egg breaking through the ovary wall, contraction of the fallopian tubes as they move the egg along, muscle contractions in the ovary and its ligaments, or blood and other fluids released from the egg follicle as it ruptures.  For some women, the pain is so localized that they can tell which ovary is releasing an egg that month.

3.  Luteal phase
After ovulation, FSH and LH cause the ovarian follicle to develop into this structure called the corpus luteum (hence luteal phase), which releases high levels of progesterone that causes the uterine lining or endometrium to thicken.  If the egg is fertilized, the corpus luteum will continue to release progesterone, maintaining the thick lining of the uterus until the placenta grows to take over the job, at which the corpus luteum decays to become a little lump of scar tissue on the follicle (each ovarian follicle only gets to be the star once).

If the egg is not fertilized, the corpus luteum will stop progesterone production and decay after about 14 days, turning into scar tissue.  The sudden drop in progesterone is what causes the uterine lining to slough off during menstruation.

4. Menstruation
I think this tumblr post defines it best:

Seriously though your period is like coming home one day and finding that your spouse has constructed this entire new baby bedroom inside your house and you have to tell them “Sweetie we don’t have a baby” and then your spouse FLIPS THE FUCK OUT like “The FUCK do you mean we don’t have a baby I DID ALL THIS WORK” and then they spend the next week tearing the whole room apart and throwing it out into the street and screaming at you and then finally when the room is completely gutted they calm down and say “It’s okay hon we’ll have a baby next month” and then they start building the room again AND THIS SHIT KEEPS GOING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE UNTIL YOU HIT LIKE 50 AND THEN YOUR SPOUSE LEAVES YOU BUT NOT BEFORE SETTING THE WHOLE HOUSE ON FIRE SO IT’S NEVER THE SAME AGAIN


The average period lasts between 3 to 5 days and the first couple days are often accompanied by painful cramping ... just everywhere.  All those hormones running around your system can make you kind of crazy (I cry at insurance commercials).  Sorry.  Daily Grace has some tips for survival:

That's it for this week. Stay tuned  for more period survival tips.

*I don't mean to say that having a period is gross - it's a natural process that most women experience and it's just something our bodies do.  It's nothing to be ashamed of or repulsed by. It just trips my own personal
"ick factor." I just find blood gross, even when it's my own, and especially when it's leaking from a place in my body that I'd rather only be used for fun things.

** If both of these eggs get fertilized, they result in fraternal twins.  Fun fact: my dad is a fraternal twin.  Identical (or maternal) twins result when a single egg is fertilized and then splits in two during early development.